Is this normal?

Most of what young children do with their bodies is ordinary. Here is what to expect at each age, and when to get help.

Age 0 to 4

Common

Touching their own private parts, often for comfort.
Loving to be naked.
Touching a parent’s chest.
Looking at or touching a sibling’s, cousin’s or friend’s body in play.

What to do: Stay calm, keep privacy rules.

Worth a talk

Touching in public after many reminders.
Rubbing against people.
Copying sexual movements.
Touching a grown-up’s private parts after being told no.
Trying to see others undressed after a rule.

What to do: Talk alone, set one rule.

Get advice

Copying adult sex acts.
Mouth on private parts.
Putting things into private parts.
Any force, pain or fear.
Sexual play with a much older child.
Touching many times a day, despite distraction.

What to do: See a doctor this week. Call 1098 for force, threats, a big gap or harm.

In one large US study, about half of children aged 2 to 5 touched their private parts at home.

Age 5 to 8

Common

Touching becomes more private.
Looking at or touching a same-age child’s private parts in play.
Doing it now and then, and stopping when you set a rule.

What to do: Stay calm, keep privacy rules.

Worth a talk

Touching in public after a privacy rule.
Sexual talk or drawings beyond their age.
Strong interest in sexual pictures: ask calmly where they saw them.
Undressing games kept secret from adults.

What to do: Talk alone, set one rule.

Get advice

Acting out sex with another child.
Any force, threat, bribe or trick.
Sexual play with a child about four years older or younger, or less able.
Sexual play that takes over their day.

What to do: See a doctor this week. Call 1098 for force, threats, a big gap or harm.

If an adult or a much older child showed a young child sexual pictures or videos, call 1098. If it was a child of the same age, get advice.

Age 9 to 12

Common

More privacy and shyness.
Crushes.
Dirty jokes and dare games.
Questions about puberty.
Curiosity about sex, and coming across pornography online.

What to do: Stay calm, keep privacy rules.

Worth a talk

Seeking out pornography online, on purpose.
Sudden new sexual words or ideas.
Behaviour that seems driven or will not stop.

What to do: Talk alone, set one rule.

Get advice

Pressure, threats or bribes.
Sexual contact or talk with a much younger child.
Carrying on after an adult steps in.
Copying adult sex with another child.

What to do: See a doctor this week. Call 1098 for force, threats, a big gap or harm, or if your child is 12.

If an adult or older child asks your child for sexual pictures, or anyone threatens them over pictures, that is a crime. Call 1098, and see If it is happening online. For a first phone, read who is in the online room.

Age 13 to 17

Common

Puberty.
Masturbation in private.
Crushes.
Flirting, in person and online, with people their own age they know.
Questions about sex and relationships.

What to do: Stay calm, keep privacy rules.

Worth a talk

Sending nude or dirty messages.
Jealousy or control in a relationship.
Watching pornography.
Secret chats with someone met online.
Hiding a new friend or phone.

What to do: Talk alone, set one rule.

Get advice

Sexual contact with a much younger child.
Force or pressure.
A relationship with an adult, 18 or over.
Risky sexual behaviour that will not stop.

What to do: Talk with them first. Call 1098 for force, a big gap, an adult or harm.

For relationships, pictures and what the law says, see teenagers and the law. If your teenager may be pregnant, see if the child is pregnant.

The rule to say today

For a child touching themselves: Not in front of others. That’s private.

For two children playing: Clothes stay on when you play.

If a child has told you something, start here: If a child tells you.

For two children together, see what to do between two children.

Worry when there is force, a much older or younger child, copying of adult sex, or behaviour that will not stop. Then see the child’s doctor or a child psychologist this week. Call 1098, India’s Child Helpline, if there was force or a big age gap, or a child may have been harmed.

Is it normal for children to touch their private parts?

Yes. Many young children touch their private parts, often for comfort, and doctors see it as a normal part of growing up. On its own it is not a sign of abuse. Many parents in India are startled by it, but a calm rule works better than a scolding: not in front of others, that’s private.

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Doctors call this masturbation. Young children also love to be naked and may show their private parts to family or friends. Scolding only teaches a child to hide it. Say the rule, then move on to something else.

If touching comes with itching, redness or soreness, see the doctor. Worms and harsh soaps are common causes.

There is more on what is ordinary at bath time, and on the words to use at each age.

What is normal at each age?

These guides come from studies of US families for ages 2 to 12, and from UK and US guidance for teenagers. We found no Indian study, so treat them as a rough guide.

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If your child is near the edge of two age bands, read both. “Much older or younger” means about four years or more, or a big gap in size, power or ability.

Common: stay calm and keep privacy rules. Worth a talk: talk with the child alone, set one clear rule and keep an eye on it. Get advice: see the child’s doctor or a child psychologist this week.

Teenagers and the law

In India, the law treats anyone under 18 as a child. Any sexual contact with someone under 18 is an offence, even if both are teenagers and both agreed. Courts have asked the government to consider changing this for teenagers close in age. The law has not changed.

Talk with your teenager first, calmly, and make sure they know the law. Call 1098 if the other person is 18 or over or much older, or has power over them, such as a tutor, coach or employer, or if there is force or money, pictures are being used against them, or your teenager is afraid. 1098 can advise you even if nothing physical has happened. A partner of 18 or 19 counts as an adult here, not as a teenager close in age.

If your teenager has run away, call 112 or go to the police at once, even if they left with someone they know. If they want to run away, ask gently what is wrong at home or with the other person. The Child Welfare Committee can help with a safe place to stay.

If you know there has been sexual contact, the law requires you to report it, even between two teenagers. A teenager may call it love when the other person is much older or is using them. Ask gently about the other person’s age, and about how things are at home, before you decide. If the other person is under 18 and close in age, both wanted it, and you are unsure what to do, ask your District Legal Services Authority first. It gives free legal help to children and to women. You can also call 15100, the national legal aid helpline.

A sexual picture of anyone under 18 counts as child sexual abuse material in Indian law, even one a teenager takes and sends by choice. If two teenagers close in age have swapped pictures and both wanted to, make sure nobody forwards or saves them. Ask your District Legal Services Authority what to do before you delete anything. As with sexual contact, the law requires a report, and deleting the pictures does not take its place. If an adult or someone much older asked for them, or there was pressure, threats or money, or a picture is being used against your child, keep the phone as it is and call 1098. See If it is happening online.

When should a child’s behaviour worry me?

Worry about force, threats or tricks, or a child much older, younger or less able. Worry when it copies adult sex, causes pain or fear, or goes on in secret after a rule. See the child’s doctor this week. If there was force or a big gap, or a child may have been harmed, call 1098, India’s Child Helpline.

One worrying behaviour does not make a child bad. It means an adult needs to step in, calmly, and find the right help.

Does it mean my child was abused?

Not by itself. Many children who act out sexually have not been abused. Children copy what they see and hear: an older child, something on a phone or TV, or grown-ups being intimate in a shared room, which happens wherever space is tight, in India as anywhere. Ask one calm question, and listen.

If you want to know where a behaviour came from, ask once, at an ordinary moment: Where did you see that? Then listen. Asking again and again can frighten a child into silence, or into saying what they think you want.

What if it happens between two children?

Play between willing children of similar age is common and stops at a rule. Force, a trick, a big age gap or copying adult sex is not play. If there was force or a big gap, or a child may have been harmed, call 1098, India’s Child Helpline. If it went past play without these, see a doctor this week.

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What to do today

Separate the children calmly, without shouting. Say the rule to both: Clothes stay on when you play. Then talk to each child alone, once, with an open question, such as What were you playing? If it sounds like someone was hurt, forced or scared, stop asking and call 1098. Do not shame either child.

Both children need care. The safety of a child who was hurt comes first, and a child who has harmed another child needs help too. Most children who get help early do not harm anyone again.

If the children live together, make a plan for the next few weeks:

They sleep in separate beds, and bathe and dress apart.
They are not alone together without an adult nearby.
Doors stay open when they play, and the privacy rules are the same for everyone.

Where to go next

If it was play, no call is needed. Set the rule and keep play where you can see it.

If it was more than play, but the child who led it is under seven, the two are close in age, and there was no force, set the rule first. Talk calmly and watch. If it happens again, or either child copied adult sex acts, speak to the child’s doctor or a child psychologist this week, and ask gently where the child learnt it.

If the child who led it is 7 to 11 and the two are close in age, with no force, threat or big gap and no sign a child was harmed, see the child’s doctor or a child psychologist this week. Tell them plainly what happened. If they think a child was harmed, they must report it to the police.

Call 1098 if there was force, threats, or a big gap in age or power, if a child may have been harmed, or if either child is 12 or over, unless both are 13 or over, close in age and both wanted it. This is a child protection matter, for both children. A young child who uses force may have been hurt or shown it. By law, 1098 must pass a report of sexual abuse to the police. The Child Welfare Committee (CWC), a district panel that must make sure the child is safe and cared for, may be involved. Read what happens when you call 1098. For two teenagers close in age who both wanted it, see the law for teenagers.

The law, in short

A child under seven cannot commit an offence in Indian law, and a child under twelve only if they were mature enough to understand what they did and what it would lead to. Above that, the law makes no exception for brothers, sisters or cousins. The law requires anyone who knows or fears that a child is being sexually abused to tell the police. A child who has harmed another child goes before the Juvenile Justice Board, which is there to help them change.

The law protects anyone who reports honestly.

If the children live in the same home, the Child Welfare Committee checks that the child who was harmed is safe there.

For what happens after a report, see After you report.

Tele-MANAS 14416 is the government’s free mental health helpline, day or night. Call it for your own distress. It is not a place to report. Call 14416.

Telling the other child’s parents

Tell the other child’s parents soon, and yourself, before they hear it from someone else. Keep to what you saw and what you have done. Do not blame either child. If you have called 1098, ask them first how and when to tell the other family.

If it was play, you could say:

I saw something between the children today, and I’ve told them both that clothes stay on when they play.

If it was more than play:

Something happened between the children today. I’ve stopped it, and I’m getting help so both children are looked after.

There is more on when it is another child.

When is an adult’s behaviour with a child not okay?

Watch for patterns: an adult who will not accept a child’s no, seeks time alone with one child, gives secret gifts or messages, or lets the child break your rules. In India, most children who are harmed know the person. One sign alone proves nothing. Say your rule out loud. An adult who keeps breaking it has told you enough.

If it is happening online

An adult or a much older child asking a child for pictures is never normal, at any age. If someone asked, pushed or tricked your child into sending one, your child is the one who was harmed.

Do not forward, copy or screenshot the images, and do not share them with anyone, even to get help. That includes the school. Do not delete the chat or the account either. Keep the phone as it is and give it to the police. Note the account name and link.

Stop replying, and do not send more pictures. If someone demands money or threatens to share a picture, do not pay.

Report it today at cybercrime.gov.in, under Women & Children Related Cybercrime, or the police. 1098 can help.

See where to report it online and if a photo has been misused.

For two teenagers close in age who both wanted it, see teenagers and the law.

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In India, 96.6 percent of POCSO penetrative cases in 2024 involved someone known to the child (NCRB 2024, Table 4A.10). POCSO is India’s law against the sexual abuse of children.

Patterns to notice, in a relative, a tutor, a driver or anyone else who is close to a child:

They will not take a child’s no, or tease the child out of it.
They keep finding time alone with one child.
They make one child feel specially chosen, with gifts or outings for no clear reason.
They set up secrets, secret messages or secret gifts.
They let the child break the family’s rules.
They walk in on the child in the bathroom or while the child is dressing.
They talk about sex around the child, or make sexual jokes.
They get angry when you set a rule.
Online, they ask many personal questions, send gifts, push for a private chat, or ask which room the phone is in.

An adult who shows a child their private parts with sexual intent, or shows them sexual pictures or videos, has crossed the line already. That is an offence in Indian law. Call 1098.

If an adult keeps breaking your rule, keep the child out of time alone with them, and get advice. For an elder who wants a hug, see What to say.

What are the signs a child may have been abused?

No single sign proves abuse, and many harmed children show no signs at all. If a child says something, even half a sentence, call 1098, India’s Child Helpline, today. For pain or injury in the private parts with no clear cause, see a doctor first, today. Sleep problems or new fears call for gentle questions.

Act today

The child says, or half-says, that someone touched them, hurt them or showed them something.
Pain, bleeding, injury or discharge in the private parts or bottom, with no clear cause.
A sexually transmitted infection (not passed on at birth) or a pregnancy in a child under 13.
Sexual pictures of the child being shared or used against them, or an adult or much older child asking for them.

For pain, bleeding, injury or discharge with no clear cause, see a doctor today. If the doctor thinks someone may have harmed the child, they must tell the police. For the rest, read If a child tells you and call 1098, India’s Child Helpline.

Get advice soon

Sexual behaviour from the Get advice level of the age guide, especially copying adult sex at a young age.
Sudden fear of one person or place, or refusing to be with them.
Gifts, money, a phone or a new older friend with no clear reason, or a secret with an adult the child will not talk about.
In a teenager, a pregnancy or an infection passed on by sex.

Speak to the child’s doctor or a child psychologist. Keep the child out of time alone with anyone involved. If you think someone may have harmed the child, call 1098. A teenager who may be pregnant or have an infection needs a doctor now. The doctor’s job is to look after your teen. In India the doctor must also tell the police about a pregnancy or a sexually passed infection in anyone under 18, so the police will contact you. You can ask for a support person to stay with your family through it.

Ask gently and watch

Sleep problems or new nightmares.
Going back to younger ways: wetting the bed or pants again after being dry, or clinging.
A sudden change in mood, eating, school or friends.
Suddenly not wanting to undress at bath or bedtime, when they used to.
Saying their body is dirty or bad.
In teenagers: self-harm, running away, alcohol or drugs, or low mood.

Ask one open question at an ordinary moment, and keep watching. Self-harm, running away and low mood need help whatever the cause: see the child’s doctor, and call 112 if they are hurt or in danger.

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Most of these signs have other causes too: illness, a move, a new sibling, trouble at school, a death in the family. A normal examination does not mean nothing happened. Several signs together, or changes that cluster around one person or place, are the reason to act. If you did not notice before, that is common. Abuse is kept hidden on purpose.